The Moon Landing is a Funny Thing

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In the current age of information, it seems crazy that there are people who are still convinced that man landed on the moon in 1969. These conspiracy theorists that, fortunately, are less each year, base their claims on a set of hilarious arguments and proofs. They refuse to believe that man never went to the moon! They firmly believe that Neil Armstrong put a foot on its surface while saying some epic words. Or that an entire mission with the processing power of Nokia 3310 was able to fly a piece of junk through 600.000 km in space. No to mention the fact they drove cars up there. Or that no one died. I can’t blame these people since most of them were young (and really high) in the famous summer of love. But the rest, well, are just lunatics (no pun intended).

To try to settle the things once and for all, here is a list of 11 irrefutable proofs that man never went to the moon.

Especially Americans…

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1 – There’s no oil on the moon

The first irrefutable proof that the USA never went to the moon is, in fact, quite simple – there’s no oil up there. It’s a well-known fact that Americans only leave their beloved country on vacation to third world countries, where they spend all the time complaining about how everything’s better back in the US. Or when there’s oil present. They don’t spare any means at the sighting of oil. Even if they have to make a full-scale invasion. Or kill everyone standing in the way.

As there’s no oil on the moon, nor a luxurious resort, it’s impossible they have ever gone up there. Simple as that.


2 – The moon isn’t really there

If you follow the news closely, you may have heard about the most recent and astonishing scientific breakthroughs. A group of the most renowned scientists on the planet has found that the earth is, contrary to all belief, flat. And I found out by a reliable source that that same group of enlightened human beings is soon going to announce their latest findings – the moon isn’t really there. It’s all a quite simple optical illusion. And, as in every world’s top-secret, the US is well aware of that fact. (You didn’t hear it from me). So there’s no possible way they spent billions of tax-payers money in something so ridiculous like a trip to a place they know it isn’t even real.

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3 – “Beat the Russians” was a hoax

The USA never went to the moon to beat the Russians, because the Russians never wanted to go there in the first place. Why? Because there were no people there to oppress under the mighty hammer of communism. Nor vodka or Adidas tracksuits. It is a well-known fact today that the Russian space program was nothing more than a mere propaganda stunt. A stunt that got way out of hand. Especially when they started sending people up in the air to see if they could see what was going on on the other side of the wall. People, as always, got it all wrong. And the whole thing ended up in what they now call “the space race”.

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4 – The obviously fake footage

Moon-landing believers often talk about the films that, they claim, were shot in the moon. Films that are an elaborated hoax, recorded by a bunch of amateurs that didn’t even get the shadows right. Several minutes of blurry and kind of creepy images, showing some guys in white biohazard suits wandering around. They want us to believe they haven’t ever heard about Premiere? The footage was obviously the work of some Kubric’s interns because not even him wanted to have the trouble of filming something he was sure no one was ever going to watch.

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5 – The non-existent stuff left on the moon

The conspiracy theorists claim the Apollo missions left some scientific equipment on the surface of the moon. It’s nonsense. If you don’t believe me you can make this experiment yourself – look to the surface of the moon through a telescope. Do you see anything? Of course not, because it isn’t there. Obviously, they often make something up like the telescopes aren’t potent enough to see the things or something, which, of course, is a complete lie. Even last week I was able to watch my hot neighbor in her bedroom 800m away from me, using only my phone camera. But they say I can’t see stuff in the moon with something so powerful as a telescope made in China.

They also often claim that there is some kind of mirror left there, and if you point a laser to it, the light will bounce and comes back at you. But you can’t see it, of course. Only through a powerful computer. How convenient…


6 – The astronauts never left Earth

Thousands of people swear they saw some guys entering a dildo-shaped spaceship and going up in space. The thing these people don’t know is that it was a well-fabricated stunt, involving a set of mirrors and weird camera angles. Ask David Copperfield. It is now believed he once got his hands on an old NASA’s Apollo mission notebook. Two weeks later BAM – Statue of Liberty gone. Suddenly he was the greatest magician ever.

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7 – The waving flag

As you may have learned back in school, there is no atmosphere on the surface of the moon (not even a moon, as we’ve seen before). And if you watch closely the videos filmed by Kubric’s interns, you can clearly see the American flag waving. And no, it was not because the guy who was planting it was moving the pole. It was the wind, obviously. Because it’s well known that there’s a lot of wind and air flowing inside movie studios. People who believe in the crazy moon-landing theory are obviously not aware of how the movie industry works…


8 – They never brought moon rocks

The so-called astronauts never brought tons of moon rocks with them. Because moon rocks don’t exist. What you often see on display in museums is nothing more than paper-mache sculptures, made by the hands of hundreds of kids across the nation. It is believed that this was made in top secrecy, involving the help of dozens of kindergarten teachers, who mysteriously disappeared shortly after.

Maybe you can remember one of your sculptures disappearing. And you never heard from Mrs. Ellis again? Do you see where I’m getting?


9 – The Apollo missions delusion

The Apollo missions were a bunch of delusional and lonely nerds, collected all across the country, to be a part of a social experiment with the monetary gain of 2 dollars a week plus the company of each other. Several former NASA “employees” have already confirmed this, one of which even states they made big advancements in the gaming industry at the time, among other experiments. You can see proofs of this fact when analyzing the images from what they called Control Room – the first LAN parties ever.

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10 – Neil Armstrong’s dark past

It was recently found that Neil Armstrong was a recovering drug addict, hired by the US government to pose as an astronaut, mainly because of his gloriously good lookings. And this makes sense now. If you watch his old footage and interviews, you will clearly see a troubled man battling his own deep demons, with several rebounds along the way. In my opinion, he is a true national hero, who was able to overcome addiction and enter history as the first man to put a foot on the biggest white rock ever.

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11 – The missing wall

And if all the previous proofs that man never went to the moon weren’t enough for you, this is the absolutely irrefutable one. A fact that can’t be denied. The holy grail of facts, which completely debunks the moon-landing conspiracy theory. And it is, in fact, quite straightforward. If the USA really did go to the moon (which, again, does not exists), why didn’t they build a wall over there to keep everyone else out?



As you can see, these irrefutable facts are definitely proofs that man never went to the moon.

Maybe it is time to you take your tin foil hat and put it aside and start to see the world as it really is – a weird place, where drug addicts make history and wars are fought over who was the first one to put a foot on a place that does not even exist.

Stop the madness!

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It’s a fact: man never went to the moon! Now Mars is another story…

Written by Ricky Spanish

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