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Things You’re Likely to Find When We Storm Area 51

Storm Area 51
Image via | EliasSch

As you may be aware by now there’s a plan going on to storm Area 51. Yes, that Area 51 (and the only one there is, as far as I’m concerned), one of the most heavily guarded and restricted places in the world. The storming is scheduled for the next September 20th, and it has nearly 2 million people attending, according to its event on Facebook.

  Why Storm Area 51 Became A Movement

This sounds incredibly brave and dangerous. Since we can finally have access to whatever it is the US government has been hiding for all these years. It also sounds incredibly stupid, since the government has already stated that “The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.” The motto of the event is They Can’t Stop All of Us…but I’m pretty sure they can.

As a matter of the fact is that there have been several conspiracy theories and witness reports about the place. Every one of them crazier than the other. People have had enough and are eager to find out what the hell is really going on.

If they succeed, and I hope they do, what are they really going to find there?

Chances That Area 51 Might Have Alien Stuff

This is the number one theory and the most widely spread. Most people argue that the base hides alien spacecrafts, including some material supposedly recovered at Roswell, and all kinds of alien technology. After the Bob Lazar documentary (the Area 51 worker who swore he saw some dark alien stuff) we found that the workers are told to not say a word about it (usually they live several years in constant fear but end up talking to the first documentary crew around).

It’s plausible to assume the US government has been hiding alien technology and, through reverse engineering, creating powerful machines to use against the enemies of capitalism. This may well be the truth, depending on what your definition of alien is (human or not).

Image via | PhotoVision



Some believe the base is not only hiding alien technology but real aliens as well. If you have ever seen the Men in Black movie franchise you will understand what I’m saying.

Theories go from plain and simple, with the base holding just some recovered alien bodies, to one or two alive. Others are more elaborate, where people believe there’s a whole extraterrestrial community living there. Is it possible that these beings have meetings, activities, their own galactic laws and whatnot? Some even say they also walk among us in disguise.  Do they rule the world? I doubt it, since the true masters of Earth are our great Capitalist Lords.

Image via | Pawel86


Exotic Weapons/Weather Control Stuff

I’m starting to think that who comes up with these ideas watches too much TV. You can maybe expect the kind of weapons where you press a small button and some quantum energy blast rearranges the space-time continuum around you. Or it pulls your house into another dimension. Those weapons that mess with the fabric of the universe and end up creating a multidimensional wormhole which connects the parallel waves of space and gravity. Or laser guns.

Some say the base hides some deep classified weather-controlling stuff. Because global warming has to be fabricated right? And what’s with all these earthquakes, hurricanes and crazy weather phenomenon happening recently? Couldn’t this probably be the mess of an intern guy, still learning how to play with the machine?

Whatever it is, it may well not even have anything to do with aliens anyway. The thing is – if this theory is real, can’t they use those weapons to stop you from entering there?

Image via | FelixMittermeier


Time Travel/Teleportation

Every now and then, one of those recently-turned-snitch-but-brave previous Area 51 workers talks about some time traveling stuff happening there. Or you probably have a cousin from a friend’s friend who swears his girlfriend best friend saw someone suddenly appearing out of nowhere in the middle of the street when she was returning home from the pub late at night. And if so, it wasn’t alcohol’s fault, it definitely had something to do with teleportation experiments in Area 51. Even if you don’t believe in this theory, please be careful when storming there, in case it happens to be real and they decide to use time travel against you guys. But I guess 2 million people suddenly appearing in the Stone Age would explain a lot of History Channel’s crazy theories.

Image via | TheDigitalArtist


Whatever you’re likely to find, I’m sure it will be something huge. Please don’t be disappointed if you end up just getting shot. If you manage to enter chances are you’ll just find some boring archive files. Maybe if you’re lucky there’ll be some mechanical schematics.

I’m sure that with all the publicity around the event, the government has probably moved all the alien artifacts out of there to Fort Knox right? I honestly think that this should have been planned with the maximum secrecy possible, a black ops kind of operation, but yeah, I guess it would be difficult to stealth-mode-break millions of people into the base.

The stunt has already been said to be a joke, a parody, but I’m pretty sure this statement was a clever way to let the US government more relaxed and the base with the guard down, and then BAM!, 2 million people storming by surprise! Great plan everyone!

I’m with you Stormers, you are true national heroes! I just ask you, please, if only one of you could take a good quality camera with you, it would be perfect – the world has had enough of blurry and suspicious-looking photos of secret and important stuff.

Storm Area 51

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Written by Ricky Spanish

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