Buttering Jordan Peterson’ Lobster

Jordan Peterson Lobster Theory. He’s a self acclaimed Guru, an unapologetic great Hierophant of the incel community.  But not just that, he’s a shaman and his spirit animal; you guessed it, the Lobster.   

Why a lobster?  Aren’t spirit animals supposed to be empowering like a hawk or a lion?  A Lobster seems like the most unlikely spirit animal as a moniker to represent this Peterson guru and his lore. The Truth is, the Lobster is the most hermetic of animals in the animal kingdom. If you just pay attention you can use the hermetic power of the lobster to open your third ear!

Lobsters in the Surreal Unconscious

The truth of the matter is, is that Lobsters have a deep connection to the subconscious.  Salvador Dali liked to draw Lobsters, like a lot. Dali drew like a ton of lobsters. Dali theorized that the Lobster as a totemic artifact had the power to expose the unconscious’s hidden yearnings. Also, Dali associated lobsters and telephones with a sexual connotation. Both the telephone and the lobster, which is often connected with sensual pleasure and anguish, appear in sketches and designs from the late 1930s.

Jean Paul Sartre Followed by Lobsters after Mescaline Psychadelic Trip

Jean Paul Sartre tripping on Mescaline and seeing a bunch of Lobsters

Yeah, the Philosopher Jean Paul Sartre, took a bunch of Mescaline and started seeing Lobsters everywhere he went. True story.

Hermetic Theory of Corespondence

That which is above corresponds to that which below and that which is below corresponds to that which is above. 

 Lobsters are bottom feeders, they are basically the toilets of the ocean. We can intubate that the those things at the below are also inscribed far above. The thumbprint of God is in all things. Man is made in Gods image and God is likewise made in mans image. There are synchronicities, some of them inscribed into biology themselves.

Peterson says that lobsters, like humans, live in social strata and have a neurological system tuned to status that “runs on serotonin”. Ok, that’s very nice. So basically this means that the higher a lobster gets in a social order, the more serotonin its brain makes. He calls it the serotonergic response and says that its the same is in humans. Subsequentially it also causes humans to likewise form dominance hierarchies. The correspondence here is that this is not just something relegated to crustaceans, but it is an mechanism with its origins in ancient primordial instincts. 

Hierarchy of the Cosmos is essential to understanding Hermetic tradition.

The most recognizably associated icon with hermeticism is a pyramid, specifically of Egyptian design. This dominance hierarchy within the Lobster society forms a pyramid, or dominance hierarchy, with the dominant Lobster at the very top and the losers, the beta lobsters, clustered together at the very bottom. Over time, the pyramid has come to symbolize the flattening of distinctions between different levels of reality. Not that they are literally flat, obviously not. That is to be more specific, that their instantiation within one singular complex suggests themselves to be equally connected across dimensions of being.

From a psychological perspective, a pyramid makes the most sense since that’s what society is. It’s a State, and that State is a hierarchy in which the object at the top resides in a brightly lit area. Like the President. The president needs to know what goes on at the top of the pyramid in order to properly arrange the reality below. From this point in the pyramid, it allows them to see the effectiveness of the organizational principle at work at all levels of strata. The king sees in him what the Egyptian god Horus saw—as a Falcon, he sees everything.

The Great Chain of Being

Now as for Jordan Peterson Lobster Theory and its acclaim in occultism I can’t go that route without now referring to the Masonic Stairway or the great Chain of Being.

What the Masonic stairway represents symbolically is the cosmic dominance hierarchy. Also it has a little bit of the Masonic touch to it. Don’t forget that. The Great Chain of Being, an ancient notion dealing with the hierarchical organization of the cosmos, is the source of the meaning behind the Masonic ladders.

Theorists in the Middle Ages believed that God had ordained a cosmic hierarchy—known as the “great chain of being”—for the organization of matter and existence. From God to angels to people to animals to plants and finally to minerals is the order of creation. This idea found its zenith in Neoplatonism.

  • God
  • Angels
  • Humans
  • Animals
  • Plants
  • Minerals

The Lobster Below, Corresponds to the Humans Above

.  The Lobster as a totem for the alchemical symbols is a microcosm for hierarchy. Structures of authority exist in every sphere of life, obviously. Peterson however argues that hierarchies are so ingrained into the fabric of the heavens and earth that creatures so far as down to the Lobster themselves have hierarchy injected into their DNA.

Lobsters scuttlers on the sea floor, theres nothing you can do about that.   If you manage to capture a few hundred of them and move them to a different area like a grocery store Seafood isle, you will be able to see the rituals and strategies that they use to establish their status. They are pretty smart.  Ok so I mean, you’re not gonna find any Lobsters getting nobel prizes for discovering a new element on the periodic table anytime soon. But they’re not inhert mindless masses of organic matter.

Be a confident Lobster

Male lobsters resort to violence to get their share of limited food supplies. If they out compete other lobsters, the defeated lobsters become “Depressed” and their seratonin decreased. According Petersons Lobster Theory Lobsters that are less likely to initiate conflict if they have lower levels of serotonin and are hence stigmatized as “depressed.” Whats funny though is that depressed/defeated lobsters actually undergo intense physical changes in their brain. They literally transform into “Depressed” Lobsters. They aren’t “Go Getters”

Whether any of this is actually verifiable by biologists I have no idea.

Furthermore, according to Jordan Peterson Lobster theory, if you give Lobsters anti-depressants they all of a sudden get more confident. Their brains don’t undergo the changes. Inevitably they become go getters. The point here is that He intubates that there is an inherent connection between humans and lobsters. 

If you don’t take Anti-Depressents, Fake it till you Make it, or else your brain will atrophy

If you’re a human guy and you’re feeling down in the dumps, the ‘normal’ thing to do is to try to increase your status in society, right? Peterson in all his genius proselytizes the mere cliche, “Stand up straight with your shoulders back,” to convey a message of asserting one’s dominance and masculinity. I mean its good advice.

I believe this assertion corresponds further to the principle of correspondence “That which is above corresponds to that which is below.” 

Act as if it is and you will connect to those energies. Or whatever.

Realizing your place in the universe and how your actions and deeds affect yourself and others is essential for putting this rule into practice. When we have a clear grip on our interactions with existence and their effects on us, we can notice and interrupt tendencies, live for our greatest benefit, and experience harmony with everything that is. Naturally don’t bully people, unless they have something you want, or you want to manipulate them into doing something they wouldn’t otherwise do for your own betterment and aggrandizement but otherwise don’t bully people.

More Hermetic Hierarchies and King Lobster

King Lobster in all his Glory

So the lobster is an allegory of human behavior.  Peterson sets up a microcosm to lobsters.   Hierarchical inscription of the cosmos throughout all levels of reality is no F**cking big reveal here.  Like I said before Petersons Lobster theory might not be biologically backed up. But it’s definitely backed up by occultism and Hermetics.

Even Bernini Recognizes Hierarchies

Possibly the greatest Hermetic artist of all time Bernini recognized hierarchies. 

Take Bernini’s art as an example, which incorporates Hermetic concepts. An examination of Bernini’s work shows that one of Christianity’s holiest places also houses the greatest Sun Temple in the world, constructed in accordance with Hermetic principles. From his depiction of symbols to his allegories on papal tombs, he depicts this cosmic hierarchy in rising order.

Alchemists attempted to turn the lowest base material like lead into higher noble metals like gold.   


Seeing the Lobster inscribed in the soul of the human psyche is as hermetic as Hermes Trismegistus. I mean the practice of uncovering cosmic axioms of science and biology as a modus operandi for soul searching comes with the territory of getting your hermeticism straight?  Can we decipher higher realities about ourselves from lower realities? The answer is yes

Jordan Peterson Lobster Theory advocates for fierce autonomy and self-determination on the basis of a blind devotion to science and a blind trust in the reductive perfection of evolution

David Ex Machina

David Ex Machina


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